if hollywood were real

After watching the (dare I say it) grossly overrated "wedding crashers" last weekend, it led me to think about what the US would be like if hollywood were true. These are just sociological observations, mind you, and horror movies don't apply because horror movies occupy their own little, disfunctional world. Here goes.

1) Every 2.5 kids in the yard, suburban family would have a gay son. There isn't anything wrong with being gay, but it's becoming a hollywood cliche' that if you want a family conflict, throw in a gay son. It's similar to the practice that if hollywood can't think of a bad guy, the default character is always a Nazi or neo-Nazi. It's lazy.
2) Every Southerner is bigoted and stupid, except the benighted few who are homey, hospitality dripping, easy-going folks. They are all sculptors and read Yeats in their free time. Nary a doctor or engineer is to be found in the south. Most of them live in trailers and hate black people. Oh, and they love football and usually beat up their wives while drinking corn whiskey.
3) The Midwest doesn't exist and only cowboys exist in Texas and the mountain states. Chicago exists, but it floats in another world detached from it's actual geographic mooring, somewhere between Boston and Manhattan.
4) The drug dealer in high school is always the smartest kid in school. He is just rebelling because his parents neglect him. He would do extremely well if he just tried. What a waste.
5) All athletes, especially football players are stupid and testosterone blinded cretins. If given a chance they will beat their girlfriends while drinking corn whiskey.
6) True wisdom can only come from a victimized minority member. How to make money illegally in business (in hollywood movies, that phrase is redundant) can only come from a fat, old white guy, preferably bald.
7)The English are the worst people in the world, well, behind the Nazis, but only slightly. Since there aren't many neo-Nazis running around these days, if you need a sadistic criminal mastermind, find a Limey.
8) Disaffected people, especially older disaffected people (which is everybody in the United States who resides in the suburbs) smoke pot. However, they do not listen to the Allman brothers when doing so.
9) College students are either hyper-intellectualized over-achievers who read Noam Chomsky or total drunk slackers whose monosyllabic vocabulary and stylized grunts can somehow effect communication between tow members. College girls never drink and, if they do, they get wasted and end up naked with a complete sleazeball. A month later they have an abortion and don't feel bad at all about it.
10) As stated before, the suburbs are vast wastelands of conformity and social repression where braindead sloths with intellectual levels barely above cavemen slouch to their stultifying, polluting work every day only to return to their cheating with the pool-boy, pill-popping, slightly resentful wives and spiteful children. They can only be saved by a trip to Manhattan (my God, not Queens! Football fans live there!), the slums of some random city or the Southwest.

That's about it. There are plenty more, but my head hurts and I need to watch "Revenge of the Co-ed Cannibals 2".